just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
