so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You can't special order awesome
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
