Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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