You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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