I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
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