You just made me feel so damn special
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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