I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
