How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
