Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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