you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize