You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
