Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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