Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
