I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
