Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize