sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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