He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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