what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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