he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
