brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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