Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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