apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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