We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize