Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
