Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
