summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he was CRYING into my vagina
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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