yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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