she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
