So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
