After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
