We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
