At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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