Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize