An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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