im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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