I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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