Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
