paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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