just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
