He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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