It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
