WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
