Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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