Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
FUCK WHALES
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
