All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
