She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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