I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
