I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
