after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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