I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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