Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
