i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
