omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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