i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I supernannyed him into submission
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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