I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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