I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
