I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize