he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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