thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
