she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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