I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
All the doctor said was why
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
