The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
