the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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