haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
