Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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