No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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