So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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