Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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