why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
