I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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