I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
