I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
