Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
