You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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