I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize