my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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