Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
