There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
