I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
