I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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