ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
