i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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