omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
