i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
