I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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