you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
