i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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