These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
