gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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