just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
